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August 2011

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Fanfic: Archer - "Last in Line" (Chapter 1)

Title: Last In Line
Fandom: Archer
Pairing: Lana/Cheryl
Rating: M
Summary: Takes place at the end of 1x10: “Dial M for Mother”. Cheryl may be last in line to “get it on” with Lana, but she won’t settle for anything less than the real deal.

Author’s Note: This is my first real fanfiction, so it will be far from perfect. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated! Also, Archer does not belong to me, unfortunately. Enjoy the story.


     “I know that there won’t be a next time, Lana, but I want you to know that I really appreciate that someone has treated me like a sensual, beauti-”
     Pam froze in Lana’s icy glare and quickly shuffled her feet back into her shoes. Lana shoved Pam’s clothes into her arms and pushed her towards the door, turning around and only relaxing once she heard Pam rustle back into her clothes and the door open.
     Lana slipped her red sweater back dress over her head and sighed. Pretending to have sex with every man at ISIS was exhausting enough, but actually getting down with Pam, unfortunately, had proven to be a real work out, and attempting to imagine Pam’s hefty, lumpy body as belonging to Alex Karas was no easy feat.
     The truth was, though, that as much as Lana expected that she would want to erase the fresh memories of sex with from her mind, it wasn’t quite as terrible as she had expected. The fact that it was with Pam had been far from ideal, but the fact that it was with a woman... well, Lana hadn’t experienced that since her days as an activist. Back then, all of her activist friends had done lots of crazy things together and thought nothing of it. There were a few times in particular that Lana could remember when she and her one of her best friends had had sex after a protest and a night of drinking. Lana was not gay, she knew that for sure, but there had been something sensual and lovely about the times that she had made love to women when she was younger, and after today she realized just how much she had missed it. Maybe she should go back to girls. She would just have to find someone more, well, attractive than Pam. Someone pretty, thin, sexual... Lana could feel herself getting excited at the prospect.
     Keep it together, Kane, she thought, running her manly hands over her pleasant facial features, it’s all over now.  Women are in your past. Thankfully, Pam had been so grateful to have finally gotten laid that Lana had been able to just shove Pam’s clothes at her and shoe her away. Finally, Lana thought as she fastened her belt and smoothed her dress over her thighs, I’ll have a moment of peace and quiet...
     There was a stirring in the doorway and Lana groaned, “Of COURSE! Leave it to PAM to leave the door WIDE OPEN while I’m changing!” She whirled around and came face to face with Cheryl, who leaned against the door frame, smiling wide.
     “What does it matter to you, Little Miss Monster Hands? Apparently everyone at ISIS has seen your bod already!” Cheryl crossed her arms beneath her small breasts, chin raised high and defiant as she chuckled. Lana could see thick splotches of purple and red coiled around Cheryl’s slender neck and scowled. Those had better not be from Cyril...
     “Oh, really!?! Look who’s calling the kettle black!” Lana spat, “At least I didn’t sleep with a co-worker’s BOYFRIEND! Now GET OUT OF MY WAY!” Lana moved to push Cheryl away from the door frame but was stopped when the door slammed in front of her. Shocked, Lana instinctively grabbed her gun and pointed it at Cheryl, who stared back, wide-eyed.
     “Listen to me, you skinny little bitch. I have half a mind to blow your kneecaps off. So... either we do this the easy way, and you let me out of this room, or we do it hard, and I leave you here... in a puddle of blood.”
     Cheryl bit her lip, her eyes on the gun. She deliberated for a moment and then grew brave. “Hmmm... well, Lana, I like the sound of doing it hard, so long as the blood is only coming from my neck!” Cheryl leapt at Lana, who dropped her gun in surprise and threw Cheryl to the ground. Lana was trained to be prepared for any and all shocking situations, but somehow she hadn’t been prepared for that.
     “What the hell is wrong with you?” Lana shrieked, leaping back and scrambling for her weapon.
     “I have a ticket!” Cheryl struggled to pick herself back up and waved a brown square of cardboard in the air. “I... I guess I’m just last in line.”
     Lana looked down at Cheryl in disbelief. “Are. You. Kidding!? YOU want to... to sleep with ME?”
     “Want isn’t the best word. Need on the other hand...” Cheryl thrust her body against Lana, who was too stunned to move. “...is a more appropriate choice.”
     “Uh. Ok. Hold up.” Lana gently pushed Cheryl off of her, aware of the blood rising in her cheeks and a surprising moisture gathering between her thighs. “I’m confused. Is this the same girl that screwed my boyfriend? Haven’t you messed around with my life enough?”
     “Aw, c’mon, Lana! Please?”
     “Please? Cheryl, I... I don-” Lana’s words were muffled beneath Cheryl’s lips as the secretary kissed the agent fiercely. Lana’s mind was torn beneath arousal and disgust as she felt Cheryl small hands work their way around her body, snaking their way along her and spine and moving downward...
     “Mmmm...Uh...” Lana suddenly pulled away forcefully, pushing against Cheryl’s shoulders and backing towards the door. “Um. Ok. Wow. Uh... Kinda not going to do this. I’m getting out of here.”
     Lana hurried out, averting the eyes of her co-workers. “Wait, Lana, are you really going to leave me here like this?” Cheryl shouted, getting herself together and following Lana out the door.
     “Yyyyyyuuuup!” Lana yelled back. She rushed into her office and slammed the door, exhaling deeply to try and calm her quivering body and racing mind.
     Cheryl had caught Lana in a moment of mental weakness was all. Tomorrow, Lana would be back to her old self. She was sure of it.